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This journal is a mix of public and friends only. All fanfiction, as well any general postings that I don't think are too personally identifying or intimate to share, will be public. This journal contains an import of both my old LiveJournals - fanfic and personal, the personal of which I started in 2001 when I was 18. (So if you go too far back - or just dig through the most popular tags - you're likely to find some late teen angst bullshit.)
Who am I?
Lins. She/Her. An Xennial. A taciturn, introverted word lover. I'm a writer (largely fandom but also original stuff) and instructional designer. I dabble in other artsy things (art journaling, gelli printing, mixed media). I drink too much coffee. I love a good witchy aesthetic (black lace, lots of greenery, random altars, beautiful tarot cards) and the feeling of ritual, but don't read me wrong: I'm an atheist and skeptic. I live with my husband and a single (as of the loss of her sister in August 2026) 17-year-old cat.
I'm trying to slow down a bit.
Feel free to pop any questions you might have on the comments of this post.
If you add me as a friend and we haven't already chatted somewhere, it would be good for you to introduce yourself. Otherwise, I likely won't add you back.
A bit more granular info behind the cut.
( Read more... )
When it comes to physical activity, I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Double metaphorically speaking.
I've upped my miles walked over the last three weeks and that's left me feeling mostly good. I did a hike while in Estes. It was nothing crazy; a mile, but largely uphill. I had some slight irritation in my glute/quad after the hike but it went away quickly. Back at home, I continued my strength training and my long walks. But by Sunday, I should've gotten a clue about the type of tenderness I was feeling.
My walk yesterday put me in my place.
I've upped my miles walked over the last three weeks and that's left me feeling mostly good. I did a hike while in Estes. It was nothing crazy; a mile, but largely uphill. I had some slight irritation in my glute/quad after the hike but it went away quickly. Back at home, I continued my strength training and my long walks. But by Sunday, I should've gotten a clue about the type of tenderness I was feeling.
My walk yesterday put me in my place.
By the time I hit the mile point, my left quad was feeling fiery and I could feel that familiar deep ache in my glute. Both eased up a bit once I got home, but the naggy pain continued on and off throughout the night and into today.
And today I remembered...that on Saturday, I did a handful of reverse nordics (and did them without much of a warm up). It had been a while since I'd done any and I really dialed in on these. Reverse nordics are a great exercise...but they do put extra strain on the glutes and hip flexors.
So, between the increased walking and my first hike in 8 months, I'm thinking I pissed off the tendon/surrounding area.
Which means I need to dial it back for a few days and reset. Shorter, flatter walks, isometrics and some body weight/banded moves for a few days.
I have to constantly remind myself that I've likely been dealing with gluteal tendinopathy for years at this point.
So it's going to take years to fix. Because tendons are absolute bloody bastards.
I can't pinpoint the catalyst, but I think there are several blips on my timeline that ultimately led to this tendinopathy.
In the summer of 2018, I slipped on a piece of ice cream wrapper trash some heathen had dropped on the sidewalk. And though I controlled my fall into a deep lunge, and that would have been much worse if I wasn't as flexible as I am/was at the time, it was jarring enough to leave my glute sore for a few weeks. (Stretching made it worse. I gave it time and it seemed to go away.)
In September of 2022, on a hike at the trail around Red Rocks, some people were taking up more than their fair share of the path so I ended up a little too close to the side of the trail that drops into a sharp slope. My left foot hit loose dirt and slid behind me. My right foot somehow stayed stable and I caught myself in kind of a weird yoga pigeon pose position. It didn't feel jarring at the time, but a few days later, the pain that I'd felt in 2018 came back. I focused on walking and mobility and things seemed to improve.
I even hiked in Zion in February of 2023 with no problem.
But sometime in late 2023 or early 2024, tightness and achiness in the glute became a more regularly recurring issue.
I'd really notice it if I sat for too long, especially on the couch. When I'd stand up, the my glute pulled on my lower back and it felt like I had to work extra hard to straighten my torso. But still, I thought maybe a slightly adjusted strength training routine or more gentle, regular mobility routines and walking would fix it. It at least didn't make it worse.
In June of 2025, Matt brought Covid home from a coworker. This was the first time he'd agreed to travel since the pandemic started. And I'm certain the coworker he shared an Uber with halfway through his trip was the culprit.
So we were both down and out for about two weeks. And as I've learned, gluteal tendinopathy does not like full rest..
As I tried to get back into a routine, I hit the breaking point. An August bike ride - six miles, on a heavy ebike, complete with getting my body jarred at one point when I tried to pull Matt up a hill - sent me into a spiral of aches that I tried to solve with a routine of bridges, clamshells and other glute focused work.
In December of 2025, I admitted defeat after a round of skating at the rink made things flare again. Nothing I was doing seemed to be helping, so I had to call in the professionals.
The initial PT in January of this year got rid of the knot I'd been feeling in my glute. I could finally sit and then stand without feeling like I had to untangle myself. So I took that as a good sign.
Said knot hasn't come back. So yay me?
The general timeline you'll often hear or read about when it comes to healing gluteal tendinopathy is 6 to 12 months. That's the conservative estimate. There's a very strong "or more" tacked on to that.
And I'm definitely in the "or more" category. (And while I know there's always the possibility of something like a tear...since I have absolutely no desire for any kind of surgery, I'm going with the Upright Health mantra of "always think muscles" at this point.) And considering things have improved, just not as fast as I would like, I'm hopeful that's truly what it is.
There were some minor flares in the spring, but I remember feeling really good in May. So good that I added goblet squats back into my strength routine for a week or two.
Which sent me into a flare by mid June...
July marked six months. The flare from June had mostly cleared up by the end of July/beginning of August, but the stress of taking care of Mithril set me back in terms of regular training and PT and I had to build back up through September and October.
And here I sit again...in another flare.
There's such a fine line between trying to up your capacity and overdoing it.
If all I wanted was to be able to run around taking care of the house and gardening and going for neighborhood walks or bike rides without too much discomfort, I would just about be there, I think.
But I want to be able to do all the stuff I used to do without really thinking about it.
Which necessitates thinking about it now...
I might have to get particularly nerdy about my progressive loading. I already use Garmin Connect and Hevy to track my workouts. But it might be past time to breakout a spreadsheet to really drill down on my reps and weight and when to progress them.
Physically, I think is the most frustrating fucking thing I've had to deal with in my life thus far.
Music Mondays: Songs for an Autumnal Walk
Oct. 26th, 2026 01:10 pmI got my morning (well...lunchtime) walk in today, and had a pretty good playlist while I did it. Songs that, unerringly, complement the golden light and colorful fallen leaves.
"Fire and Rain" feels so nostalgic to me. The music itself plus likely hearing my mom play it when I was a kiddo, and, I think, hearing it on so many of those late night music infomercials when, as a teenager, I stayed up until three or four in the morning through hot Arizona summer nights.
Walking under a golden autumn sun to "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" while ruminating on life carries a special kind of warmth and weight.
I first heard this song on The Lost Boys soundtrack (sung by Roger Daltrey) and the lyrics are particularly perfect for a vampire movie and particularly poignant for humans.
I was listening to Elton John on my walk, but I think the Daltrey version is my favorite.
"Fire and Rain" feels so nostalgic to me. The music itself plus likely hearing my mom play it when I was a kiddo, and, I think, hearing it on so many of those late night music infomercials when, as a teenager, I stayed up until three or four in the morning through hot Arizona summer nights.
If any song has an autumnal feel to it, it's definitely "The Sounds of Silence." The minor key, the hushed voices at the opening and close. Autumn is full of whispers.
I first heard this song when I was a teenager. Maybe around 15. I'd recently discovered "Scarborough Fair," likely from some Labyrinth fanfic. When I mentioned it to my dad, he got a big grin on his face, brought up Simon and Garfunkel and then went looking for my mom's old stereo system complete with turntable, 8 track player and collection of records and 8 tracks.
Among them was Simon and Garfunke's Greatest Hits. I spent hours listening to the album and another few just to "The Sounds of Silence."
Walking under a golden autumn sun to "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" while ruminating on life carries a special kind of warmth and weight.
I first heard this song on The Lost Boys soundtrack (sung by Roger Daltrey) and the lyrics are particularly perfect for a vampire movie and particularly poignant for humans.
I was listening to Elton John on my walk, but I think the Daltrey version is my favorite.
I blinked and two weeks have passed.
Oct. 12th, 2026 01:50 pmI'm realizing it's the middle of October and I have done fuck all in terms of writing. I have the Fictober and Whumptober prompts sitting on my phone. I think I even had an idea for one of them.
But have I put pen to paper? No.
I feel like I've slipped into mere "existence" over the last couple of weeks, unable to summon motivation to do much of anything besides engage in a rewatch of the early seasons of Supernatural and play video games.
Some of it may be the mental drain of work carrying over into my after hours. Tweaking courses and managing files to be sent for translation/review aren't exactly the most titillating of things and I think it's dulling my creative energy.
Of course, the rest of the drain might be election season and the state of the US...as much as I try to manage my reading of the news, when I do read the news, it's often so goddamned revolting, archaic, ass backwards and depressing that it infects the rest of my day.
My regular workouts have fallen by the wayside the last couple of weeks, too. That usually helps balance my mental health, even in the face of all this "what the fuckery."
I've been trying to do more early-in-the-day walks. Get myself out into the sunshine and the wind. But then we went back into the 80s with copious amounts of sunshine and my work schedule got a little funtastic which prevented said walks. And walking after 10 a.m. on 80 degree days, even in October, feels like a recipe for sunburn.
I didn't get my walk this morning due to playing catch up and then having some back to back meetings.
So I need to hop to it this evening.
Tomorrow, it looks like we'll be dropping into cooler weather. At last, October will start feeling like October.
Maybe it'll help me climb out of my funk.
I feel I'm putting a lot of pressure on the seasonal weather shift.
But have I put pen to paper? No.
I feel like I've slipped into mere "existence" over the last couple of weeks, unable to summon motivation to do much of anything besides engage in a rewatch of the early seasons of Supernatural and play video games.
Some of it may be the mental drain of work carrying over into my after hours. Tweaking courses and managing files to be sent for translation/review aren't exactly the most titillating of things and I think it's dulling my creative energy.
Of course, the rest of the drain might be election season and the state of the US...as much as I try to manage my reading of the news, when I do read the news, it's often so goddamned revolting, archaic, ass backwards and depressing that it infects the rest of my day.
My regular workouts have fallen by the wayside the last couple of weeks, too. That usually helps balance my mental health, even in the face of all this "what the fuckery."
I've been trying to do more early-in-the-day walks. Get myself out into the sunshine and the wind. But then we went back into the 80s with copious amounts of sunshine and my work schedule got a little funtastic which prevented said walks. And walking after 10 a.m. on 80 degree days, even in October, feels like a recipe for sunburn.
I didn't get my walk this morning due to playing catch up and then having some back to back meetings.
So I need to hop to it this evening.
Tomorrow, it looks like we'll be dropping into cooler weather. At last, October will start feeling like October.
Maybe it'll help me climb out of my funk.
I feel I'm putting a lot of pressure on the seasonal weather shift.
Monday Recap
Sep. 28th, 2026 11:37 amIt was a busy latter half of the week.
Picked up my re-lensed sunglasses Wednesday evening, then Matt and I hit up the diner for dinner. The pesto turkey melt is likely to make it into my home rotation (as soon as I get over this GI nonsense). We intended to split a brownie shake but our server misheard and gave us a brownie sundae instead. Which was fine. He did, however, follow up with a small portion of shake to make up for it. That was more food than I needed.
Thursday, I got my flu and Covid vaccines about 10 in the morning and about 10 at night, had the full onset of the vaccine-ick. Which, for me, meant being a bit cold and achey. It's largely from the Covid vaccine. Every year those side effects get a little less annoying/a little shorter. But it did mean a late night.
Friday, I was still hungover and tired, so I cancelled our date night. My idea was to see Practical Magic 2 in the theatre (which would be the first time either of us have seen a move in a theatre since October of 2019) and then head to the 24 hour IHOP for pumpkin spice shakes. Maybe the movie this weekend. Not sure about the shakes.
Saturday, we joined a small group helping friends put up their 12 and 18 foot Halloween decorations. This was followed by dinner and movies (Tremors and Lost Boys, both of which one of the group had never seen and thought he wouldn't enjoy. Spoiler: he did. One would think he'd trust our movie picks by now.)
Sunday was cleaning catch up day of all the stuff I/we had been putting off for a while, including getting rid of the extra litterbox; we don't need four now that we're down to one cat. Matt did most of the pick up and vacuuming. I focused on putting laundry away, cleaning off my makeup table and getting our bedroom curtains washed.
Everything feels so much nicer now. The question is: how long will it stay like this?
On the negative side, since about Friday, I've been dealing with on and off heartburn.
I'm no stranger to heartburn as it's become more common in my 40s. While I don't want to blame everything on hormones, I do think peri has something to do with it, as it has, at times, seemed cyclical. (I also get lovely cyclical bloating from time to time. So much fun.)
But I usually don't deal with heartburn multiple days in a row like I have this weekend.
Though given my period is, so far, MIA this month (today is cycle day 53...I went 74 days in 2024 before things got a bit more regular again) and my digestion feels sluggish, I think there's a lot of hormonal fuckery happening. Add on that vaccines can cause systemic inflammation and potentially affect gut motility, I'm wondering if I just wandered into a perfect storm.
This stage of life is so fun. Is it hormones? Or is it something else? The $30,000,000 question.
Given August threw me off completely in terms of getting my body moving on the regular and also threw off my meal planning, I'm definitely leaning toward lifestyle and hormones. I'll get in with my gynecologist sometime before the end of the year and kvetch a bit. I already have my mammogram scheduled for January.
So I'm just...rolling with it all.
At any rate, after having a second helping (if I'd stuck to only one, I might have been fine) of sweet potato curry on Sunday and then finding myself in dire need of an antacid, it looks like I'll be following a bland diet, with more small meals through the day, this week.
I made overnight oats last night (complete with flax meal, chia and vanilla protein powder). I also had oatmeal for dinner last night. I foresee a fair amount of oatmeal in my near future.
No coffee. Coffee's typically not a big trigger (I think it builds on other things) but I'm taking it out anyway. I had apple and cinnamon herbal tea this morning and a soy milk matcha latte to get some caffeine before a vendor check-in.
I was planning to do tortellini soup this week, but given the tomato-y-ness of it, that's on hold. I may still get away with a butternut squash (fiber, yay!) curry this week, but I need to cut out the spice and likely nix the onions I normally throw into everything.
It's looking like it'll be a somewhat slow work week, which is always great.
I think I'll take myself for a post-breakfast (the oats and matcha seem to be sitting well so far), post-meeting walk and then get back to the course updates that have been plaguing me for the last month.
Picked up my re-lensed sunglasses Wednesday evening, then Matt and I hit up the diner for dinner. The pesto turkey melt is likely to make it into my home rotation (as soon as I get over this GI nonsense). We intended to split a brownie shake but our server misheard and gave us a brownie sundae instead. Which was fine. He did, however, follow up with a small portion of shake to make up for it. That was more food than I needed.
Thursday, I got my flu and Covid vaccines about 10 in the morning and about 10 at night, had the full onset of the vaccine-ick. Which, for me, meant being a bit cold and achey. It's largely from the Covid vaccine. Every year those side effects get a little less annoying/a little shorter. But it did mean a late night.
Friday, I was still hungover and tired, so I cancelled our date night. My idea was to see Practical Magic 2 in the theatre (which would be the first time either of us have seen a move in a theatre since October of 2019) and then head to the 24 hour IHOP for pumpkin spice shakes. Maybe the movie this weekend. Not sure about the shakes.
Saturday, we joined a small group helping friends put up their 12 and 18 foot Halloween decorations. This was followed by dinner and movies (Tremors and Lost Boys, both of which one of the group had never seen and thought he wouldn't enjoy. Spoiler: he did. One would think he'd trust our movie picks by now.)
Sunday was cleaning catch up day of all the stuff I/we had been putting off for a while, including getting rid of the extra litterbox; we don't need four now that we're down to one cat. Matt did most of the pick up and vacuuming. I focused on putting laundry away, cleaning off my makeup table and getting our bedroom curtains washed.
Everything feels so much nicer now. The question is: how long will it stay like this?
On the negative side, since about Friday, I've been dealing with on and off heartburn.
I'm no stranger to heartburn as it's become more common in my 40s. While I don't want to blame everything on hormones, I do think peri has something to do with it, as it has, at times, seemed cyclical. (I also get lovely cyclical bloating from time to time. So much fun.)
But I usually don't deal with heartburn multiple days in a row like I have this weekend.
Though given my period is, so far, MIA this month (today is cycle day 53...I went 74 days in 2024 before things got a bit more regular again) and my digestion feels sluggish, I think there's a lot of hormonal fuckery happening. Add on that vaccines can cause systemic inflammation and potentially affect gut motility, I'm wondering if I just wandered into a perfect storm.
This stage of life is so fun. Is it hormones? Or is it something else? The $30,000,000 question.
Given August threw me off completely in terms of getting my body moving on the regular and also threw off my meal planning, I'm definitely leaning toward lifestyle and hormones. I'll get in with my gynecologist sometime before the end of the year and kvetch a bit. I already have my mammogram scheduled for January.
So I'm just...rolling with it all.
At any rate, after having a second helping (if I'd stuck to only one, I might have been fine) of sweet potato curry on Sunday and then finding myself in dire need of an antacid, it looks like I'll be following a bland diet, with more small meals through the day, this week.
I made overnight oats last night (complete with flax meal, chia and vanilla protein powder). I also had oatmeal for dinner last night. I foresee a fair amount of oatmeal in my near future.
No coffee. Coffee's typically not a big trigger (I think it builds on other things) but I'm taking it out anyway. I had apple and cinnamon herbal tea this morning and a soy milk matcha latte to get some caffeine before a vendor check-in.
I was planning to do tortellini soup this week, but given the tomato-y-ness of it, that's on hold. I may still get away with a butternut squash (fiber, yay!) curry this week, but I need to cut out the spice and likely nix the onions I normally throw into everything.
It's looking like it'll be a somewhat slow work week, which is always great.
I think I'll take myself for a post-breakfast (the oats and matcha seem to be sitting well so far), post-meeting walk and then get back to the course updates that have been plaguing me for the last month.
I went in search of some new teas recently. David's Tea was a go-to for some interesting blends for a short while but they went downhill over the last few years.
After reading some recommendations, I ordered a Fall sampler and a Double Cream Earl Grey from Friday Afternoon Tea.
So far, I'm underwhelmed.
Part of me has wondered if my taste buds need resetting...but I'm actively comparing to other teas I have (right now that's largely Harney & Sons and TeaPigs) and those two are coming out ahead.
The Punkin Pie Rooibos was okay after an extended steep in a cup strainer. The Caramel Apple was the same (steeped in a French Press, five minutes, then 10 after an initial taste proved it not strong enough). I still have four other fall flavors to try, including a pumpkin chai; I'm hoping one of them might really hit home.
Saddest of all is the Double Cream Earl Grey. I wanted to like it. It sounded good. It's too understated. And there's an undercurrent of flavor (maybe the blue cornflower?) that's putting me off.
It has made me realize how bold I like my Earl Grey. (I'm a coffee drinker, so that might have something to do with it. And I'm just now getting into pour over at home.)
I actively compared the Double Cream Earl Grey with (and am currently drinking) Harney & Sons Earl Grey. The H&S is much more suited to my palate, I think. I need to try the H&S Earl Grey Supreme. I also need to retry Twinings because it was my first introduction to Earl Grey and I have fond memories of it...but it's been a while so who knows if it'll hold up.
Ah well. I have other tea drinkers in my social circle, so if none of these Friday teas hold up for me, I'll pass them along.
After reading some recommendations, I ordered a Fall sampler and a Double Cream Earl Grey from Friday Afternoon Tea.
So far, I'm underwhelmed.
Part of me has wondered if my taste buds need resetting...but I'm actively comparing to other teas I have (right now that's largely Harney & Sons and TeaPigs) and those two are coming out ahead.
The Punkin Pie Rooibos was okay after an extended steep in a cup strainer. The Caramel Apple was the same (steeped in a French Press, five minutes, then 10 after an initial taste proved it not strong enough). I still have four other fall flavors to try, including a pumpkin chai; I'm hoping one of them might really hit home.
Saddest of all is the Double Cream Earl Grey. I wanted to like it. It sounded good. It's too understated. And there's an undercurrent of flavor (maybe the blue cornflower?) that's putting me off.
It has made me realize how bold I like my Earl Grey. (I'm a coffee drinker, so that might have something to do with it. And I'm just now getting into pour over at home.)
I actively compared the Double Cream Earl Grey with (and am currently drinking) Harney & Sons Earl Grey. The H&S is much more suited to my palate, I think. I need to try the H&S Earl Grey Supreme. I also need to retry Twinings because it was my first introduction to Earl Grey and I have fond memories of it...but it's been a while so who knows if it'll hold up.
Ah well. I have other tea drinkers in my social circle, so if none of these Friday teas hold up for me, I'll pass them along.
Time for another "Good Idea/Bad Idea"
Sep. 10th, 2026 09:29 amSomeone at United Airlines had the bright idea to do a "flyover memorial" over Denver, on Friday, September 11th, with a passenger plane escorted by F16s.
I really want to see the person whose brainchild this was because....what in the seven levels of hell made them think that memorializing a day, when civilians died via crashing planes, with a military escorted flyover was a good idea? (They were quickly absolved of that notion once word got out.)
Bless their little heart...I don't memorialize Sept 11th. I was not personally affected. I was also not surprised that such a thing happened, given US foreign policies/general meddling. At the time, I did know people in the New York area who were affected and they had whatever support I could give them from 2,000 plus miles away in Arizona.
I think a lot of my reticence to be tangled in any kind of official remembrance comes from the amount of absolutely jingoistic posturing that arose in the days after. Then came the hate crimes, the war, a nouveau McCarthy era.
I don't begrudge anyone personally affected their time for memorial or reflection. Lives were upended. Death is almost always a tragedy.
For the rest of the US...
When we can scoff and dismiss the terror and violence used on people in this country throughout its history or get up in arms about changing the names of holidays or mountains or monuments to not glorify people associated with massacres, or wave flags in the air and yell about "my freedom" to mouth breathe on everyone during an ongoing pandemic when, at the time, we were losing a 9/11s worth of people every week due to Covid...
When more people have died from diseases related to the air quality after 9/11, when those people and more have been struggling for years to have their medical needs taken care of by an indifferent or lying power structure...
Our alleged national grief is shallow and performative.
Adventures in Sleep Deprivation
Sep. 3rd, 2026 11:36 amSince Silver is now the last kiddo standing, we've tried to make her realize that she can come into our bedroom.
This is a hard lesson because we did kick her out sometime in 2020/2021-ish because she had a long bout of refusing to settle down and just walked across me half the night. I don't know if it was her anxiety or her sleeping most of the day or what, but it wasn't tenable. She also had some bouts of spraying around the same time, likely brought on by Chirp being sick.
Last night, Matt actually brought her up after I got settled. She explored around the bed a little and then settled on top of me for a while, before getting up and leaving. Which was fine.
Then not too long after that she came back into the room, yowling. Okay, I figured, she has a wrapper (wrappers from protein bars, chocolate bars, any packaging she can get her paws on are her favorite toys). If I ignore her, maybe she'll settle down. She got louder before finally dropping multiple octaves until it sounded like she was talking to herself in whispered meows.
Then she got back on the bed and lay next to me. I put my hand on her and she settled. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, she was in the floor yowling again.
And the night went on like this: yowl, join me on the bed, settle, I fall asleep, she leaves, yowls...
About 3:30, I scooped her up mid yowl and we went to the living room and laid on the couch, where she actually seemed to sleep.
This morning, I realized she'd carried all of her wrappers from the living room up to the bedroom. I picture her thinking "I'm moving in!"
You are welcome to move in, Silver. But not like this.
I feel like I was just starting to recover my sleep from the last few weeks only to be rubber banded right back to brain fog hell.
I'm going to set up a soft area with her heating pad(s) next to the bed. And we won't actively bring her into the room tonight. And if she shows up and starts yowling, the fan will be set on its highest setting and the door will be closed.
I'd like for her to be able to get to us at night and join us in bed, but sleep is way too precious these days.
I went to bed hoping to be more active today. That's not going to happen...though I should make it a point to try and at least do some mobility work.
This is a hard lesson because we did kick her out sometime in 2020/2021-ish because she had a long bout of refusing to settle down and just walked across me half the night. I don't know if it was her anxiety or her sleeping most of the day or what, but it wasn't tenable. She also had some bouts of spraying around the same time, likely brought on by Chirp being sick.
Last night, Matt actually brought her up after I got settled. She explored around the bed a little and then settled on top of me for a while, before getting up and leaving. Which was fine.
Then not too long after that she came back into the room, yowling. Okay, I figured, she has a wrapper (wrappers from protein bars, chocolate bars, any packaging she can get her paws on are her favorite toys). If I ignore her, maybe she'll settle down. She got louder before finally dropping multiple octaves until it sounded like she was talking to herself in whispered meows.
Then she got back on the bed and lay next to me. I put my hand on her and she settled. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, she was in the floor yowling again.
And the night went on like this: yowl, join me on the bed, settle, I fall asleep, she leaves, yowls...
About 3:30, I scooped her up mid yowl and we went to the living room and laid on the couch, where she actually seemed to sleep.
This morning, I realized she'd carried all of her wrappers from the living room up to the bedroom. I picture her thinking "I'm moving in!"
You are welcome to move in, Silver. But not like this.
I feel like I was just starting to recover my sleep from the last few weeks only to be rubber banded right back to brain fog hell.
I'm going to set up a soft area with her heating pad(s) next to the bed. And we won't actively bring her into the room tonight. And if she shows up and starts yowling, the fan will be set on its highest setting and the door will be closed.
I'd like for her to be able to get to us at night and join us in bed, but sleep is way too precious these days.
I went to bed hoping to be more active today. That's not going to happen...though I should make it a point to try and at least do some mobility work.
Of Florals
Sep. 1st, 2026 12:48 pm
My supervisor organized a flower delivery. She is right in that the Division has a soft spot for fur babies.
With the added bouquet, we have quite a few lovely flowers on our table.
The bouquet on the right, with the yellow lilies is one I bought last Tuesday. I wanted something bright in the house. The small bouquet in the middle with the daisies, frothy white flowers and sunflower is what Dr. L brought with her Wednesday.
I think I'm going to keep getting flowers for the table. At least somewhat regularly.
Traveling Through
Aug. 30th, 2026 04:33 pmFeeling less raw today than yesterday, let alone the day before. Which isn't to say I'm not still tearing up at random. I expect that will go on for a while.
Yesterday, we had our Farewell to Summer pool party (technically not the last one, we're doing a redux next weekend) with the usual suspects. I'd scheduled it before the week turned itself upside down. A storm came through in the middle of it, but that gave us time for food and chat before getting back to pool fun.
The party broke up early (by which I mean 8:30/9pm), which is a bit unusual, but honestly, by 9:30, my body was already thinking it was edging close to midnight.
I actually slept decently last night, not waking up until the light started to seep in around the curtains. A first in the past week or so.
We met the usual suspects for lunch at a pho place, then grabbed coffee (iced tiramisu latte for me) and headed back home.
And now I'm sitting here at my desk with my window open to the grey day; the wind coming through actually has a cooling factor to it and it smells strongly of rain. A herald of the turning season. Though it's supposed to be back to the 90s mid-week.
I'm drinking my Beloved Veil tea from Ritualcravt, which feels appropriate this week, this space on the seasonal calendar. There's something nostalgic about the cinnamon and star anise.
Silver seems to be doing okay.
On Wednesday, we'd brought her over to Mithril after she'd passed and let her sniff. She hissed and backed away with wide eyes. But I think it's helped. She seemed a bit mopey Thursday and Friday, but less so Saturday and today. (I'm not sure how much I'm projecting onto her.) She has done a little bit of searching. Staring at the library bay window, checking under the TV. Spots where she'd seen Mithril the most over the last couple of weeks. But maybe it's settling in; she's just checking. Just to be sure.
I'm trying to keep both her and myself on our typical schedule. Which is a little funny because that schedule got skewed the last few weeks, which probably explains why I'm in my office and she's upstairs on the couch.
Ah well.
I'm feeling the need to play a little Dishonored. I need something grey and tragic. I'm also contemplating some fic events for October. Fictober or Whumptomber, maybe. And I wouldn't mind focusing any prompts that strike me on Dishonored.
Summer of Clones came to an end this month. I have three works in progress to show for it, and one or two more ideas. I'd like to get at least one of those done in the coming weeks.
I wish I was someone who could turn sadness into creativity, but that's never worked very well for me. Still, I was missing writing before I started on the prompts this summer. And I've been missing in the last few weeks when I haven't had the brain cells to devote to anything but home, cats and work.
So onward I go.
Yesterday, we had our Farewell to Summer pool party (technically not the last one, we're doing a redux next weekend) with the usual suspects. I'd scheduled it before the week turned itself upside down. A storm came through in the middle of it, but that gave us time for food and chat before getting back to pool fun.
The party broke up early (by which I mean 8:30/9pm), which is a bit unusual, but honestly, by 9:30, my body was already thinking it was edging close to midnight.
I actually slept decently last night, not waking up until the light started to seep in around the curtains. A first in the past week or so.
We met the usual suspects for lunch at a pho place, then grabbed coffee (iced tiramisu latte for me) and headed back home.
And now I'm sitting here at my desk with my window open to the grey day; the wind coming through actually has a cooling factor to it and it smells strongly of rain. A herald of the turning season. Though it's supposed to be back to the 90s mid-week.
I'm drinking my Beloved Veil tea from Ritualcravt, which feels appropriate this week, this space on the seasonal calendar. There's something nostalgic about the cinnamon and star anise.
Silver seems to be doing okay.
On Wednesday, we'd brought her over to Mithril after she'd passed and let her sniff. She hissed and backed away with wide eyes. But I think it's helped. She seemed a bit mopey Thursday and Friday, but less so Saturday and today. (I'm not sure how much I'm projecting onto her.) She has done a little bit of searching. Staring at the library bay window, checking under the TV. Spots where she'd seen Mithril the most over the last couple of weeks. But maybe it's settling in; she's just checking. Just to be sure.
I'm trying to keep both her and myself on our typical schedule. Which is a little funny because that schedule got skewed the last few weeks, which probably explains why I'm in my office and she's upstairs on the couch.
Ah well.
I'm feeling the need to play a little Dishonored. I need something grey and tragic. I'm also contemplating some fic events for October. Fictober or Whumptomber, maybe. And I wouldn't mind focusing any prompts that strike me on Dishonored.
Summer of Clones came to an end this month. I have three works in progress to show for it, and one or two more ideas. I'd like to get at least one of those done in the coming weeks.
I wish I was someone who could turn sadness into creativity, but that's never worked very well for me. Still, I was missing writing before I started on the prompts this summer. And I've been missing in the last few weeks when I haven't had the brain cells to devote to anything but home, cats and work.
So onward I go.
What people don't tell you...
Aug. 27th, 2026 07:34 amWhat you do think about if you're me...
But what still doesn't hit home until it's actually happening...
When you go from four cats to one cat, over a period of six years, is how utterly empty a house feels.
Even when we were down to the two girls, while it was quieter, though that was in large part because Slinky was incredibly loud the last couple years of his life — a mix of hearing loss and dementia, I think, which...he made it to 19, so he earned it — the house still felt full.
I know right now some of this is the raw nerve of grief amplifying silence and making things seem larger, more hollow.
But damn.
I told Silver she has to give me at least nine months before she can descend into any kind of aging/ailment related nonsense. She and her sister were littermates, so now I'm nervous.
But what still doesn't hit home until it's actually happening...
When you go from four cats to one cat, over a period of six years, is how utterly empty a house feels.
Even when we were down to the two girls, while it was quieter, though that was in large part because Slinky was incredibly loud the last couple years of his life — a mix of hearing loss and dementia, I think, which...he made it to 19, so he earned it — the house still felt full.
I know right now some of this is the raw nerve of grief amplifying silence and making things seem larger, more hollow.
But damn.
I told Silver she has to give me at least nine months before she can descend into any kind of aging/ailment related nonsense. She and her sister were littermates, so now I'm nervous.
On Monday, when we made the appointment, I was questioning myself. Am I misreading? Am I moving too fast?
This morning, when it took over an hour for the anti-nausea to kick in, when I scooped you up from the couch and felt you tremble and held you for fifteen minutes until the pain medication kicked in and you were ready to move around, I stopped questioning myself.
We got two more weeks with you. Most of the days were good.
Cats don't comprehend future the way humans do. What you know is the moment.
One of the things I read while rolling the question around in my head was to think about your cat's five favorite things. If they're not doing one of them, maybe their quality of life is still fine. If they're not doing three of them, then maybe it's time to think about whether they're enjoying their life.
You used to pounce your sister (just a month ago, you did this). You slept, luxuriously, in the sun in one of the three beds in the bay library window, for hours on end. You would use your mouth to fling your mouse or feather toy and yowl as you did it. You would run around the house, legs straight under you, moving at a rapid clip, as if you'd missed a meeting; Matt and I would tell each other you had Important Cat Business. You would watch birds and squirrels on TV and sometimes outside.
Over the last few weeks, you no longer pounced your sister. You no longer slept for hours in the sun; over the last handful of days, I wondered if you slept much at all. Over the weekend, your Important Cat Business turned into restless roaming. The birds on TV only caught your attention in a small, good moment, buoyed by Buprenorphine.
This weekend, you lost interest in the treats you'd loved for years, in the new freeze dried treats you'd devoured a week ago. You loved the new kibble and then you didn't.
You sought our company, in between moments of restlessness or when the painkillers settled in. Your butt button - as we called the inevitable rising of your rear end and the coy flicks of your tail whenever a pet trailed from your head down your back - started to malfunction, working at times, but not others.
Your world was already small, contained to us, your sister, this house, the time and entertainment we gave. But it grew smaller.
On Monday, we made the appointment.
And today, we said goodbye.
Dr. L. was amazing. I was glad to have a vet you'd seen when you were well.
You got to stuff yourself on Churu treats, which you'd never much cared for before, before she gave you the first of the series of shots. Mild sedation, which probably hit you harder because you were so small and you hadn't really slept in days.
We stroked your head as you settled on your emotional support plastic bag (the one some breakfast burritos had come in two weeks ago) and whispered encouraging words to you as Dr. L gave you the deeper sedation which cats sometimes react badly to. You didn't. You relaxed and laid your head down.
When you were deeply asleep, Matt and Dr. L carried you to your window and placed you on your flat bed. I laid down behind you. The sun shone on my back. I had the windows open. I could hear the birds chattering. I think you heard them too.
And I hope you heard my voice as I stroked your head and told you how brave you were, how sweet you were, how good you were and that you were loved.
I also told you that it was okay, that you didn't need to linger.
And very soon after the final shot, you were gone.
Good girl.
This morning, when it took over an hour for the anti-nausea to kick in, when I scooped you up from the couch and felt you tremble and held you for fifteen minutes until the pain medication kicked in and you were ready to move around, I stopped questioning myself.
We got two more weeks with you. Most of the days were good.
Cats don't comprehend future the way humans do. What you know is the moment.
One of the things I read while rolling the question around in my head was to think about your cat's five favorite things. If they're not doing one of them, maybe their quality of life is still fine. If they're not doing three of them, then maybe it's time to think about whether they're enjoying their life.
You used to pounce your sister (just a month ago, you did this). You slept, luxuriously, in the sun in one of the three beds in the bay library window, for hours on end. You would use your mouth to fling your mouse or feather toy and yowl as you did it. You would run around the house, legs straight under you, moving at a rapid clip, as if you'd missed a meeting; Matt and I would tell each other you had Important Cat Business. You would watch birds and squirrels on TV and sometimes outside.
Over the last few weeks, you no longer pounced your sister. You no longer slept for hours in the sun; over the last handful of days, I wondered if you slept much at all. Over the weekend, your Important Cat Business turned into restless roaming. The birds on TV only caught your attention in a small, good moment, buoyed by Buprenorphine.
This weekend, you lost interest in the treats you'd loved for years, in the new freeze dried treats you'd devoured a week ago. You loved the new kibble and then you didn't.
You sought our company, in between moments of restlessness or when the painkillers settled in. Your butt button - as we called the inevitable rising of your rear end and the coy flicks of your tail whenever a pet trailed from your head down your back - started to malfunction, working at times, but not others.
Your world was already small, contained to us, your sister, this house, the time and entertainment we gave. But it grew smaller.
On Monday, we made the appointment.
And today, we said goodbye.
Dr. L. was amazing. I was glad to have a vet you'd seen when you were well.
You got to stuff yourself on Churu treats, which you'd never much cared for before, before she gave you the first of the series of shots. Mild sedation, which probably hit you harder because you were so small and you hadn't really slept in days.
We stroked your head as you settled on your emotional support plastic bag (the one some breakfast burritos had come in two weeks ago) and whispered encouraging words to you as Dr. L gave you the deeper sedation which cats sometimes react badly to. You didn't. You relaxed and laid your head down.
When you were deeply asleep, Matt and Dr. L carried you to your window and placed you on your flat bed. I laid down behind you. The sun shone on my back. I had the windows open. I could hear the birds chattering. I think you heard them too.
And I hope you heard my voice as I stroked your head and told you how brave you were, how sweet you were, how good you were and that you were loved.
I also told you that it was okay, that you didn't need to linger.
And very soon after the final shot, you were gone.
Good girl.
I woke up this morning...
Aug. 3rd, 2026 08:54 am...to a sky gone hazy and faintly yellow as the weather beginning to shift brings the wildfire smoke back to town. And on this day, an article from the Union of Concerned Scientists: A World Ablaze: The Climate Future We Feared is Here.
And I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the fact that we had so much data years and years and years ago predicting exactly this but those in power and those who pay for those in power have kept on full drill ahead, because they can.
The air quality is supposed to be worse tomorrow, which is lovely timing because I have to take Mithril to the vet again.
Her pancreas levels were elevated at the end of June, though the rest of her bloodwork was beautiful. And she was eating just fine. The only reason I took her to the vet was because she'd been very vocal and I wanted to make sure nothing was amiss. I guess something was.
We just did two weeks of Cerenia to see if that would help cull the inflammation/pain. But I weighed her on Friday and she's dropped from 8.9lbs at the end of June to 8.2lbs at the end of July, even though she's continued eating. So that tells me it wasn't enough and she's not absorbing nutrients the way she should.
We had her stable from end of January through end of June. I'm wondering if this heat wave has caused her to flare more.
I'm hoping we can get her stable and her weight back up again. She's still, by and large, a playful, engaged and happy cat.
And I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the fact that we had so much data years and years and years ago predicting exactly this but those in power and those who pay for those in power have kept on full drill ahead, because they can.
The air quality is supposed to be worse tomorrow, which is lovely timing because I have to take Mithril to the vet again.
Her pancreas levels were elevated at the end of June, though the rest of her bloodwork was beautiful. And she was eating just fine. The only reason I took her to the vet was because she'd been very vocal and I wanted to make sure nothing was amiss. I guess something was.
We just did two weeks of Cerenia to see if that would help cull the inflammation/pain. But I weighed her on Friday and she's dropped from 8.9lbs at the end of June to 8.2lbs at the end of July, even though she's continued eating. So that tells me it wasn't enough and she's not absorbing nutrients the way she should.
We had her stable from end of January through end of June. I'm wondering if this heat wave has caused her to flare more.
I'm hoping we can get her stable and her weight back up again. She's still, by and large, a playful, engaged and happy cat.
Welcome August
Aug. 1st, 2026 09:05 amI feel like a broken record saying things like "I can't believe it's [insert date here]" which I swear I've done multiple times over the past seven months. Every time I work on slowing down, I feel like life just sweeps me up and smacks me on the ass and says "nope, there's stuff to do" and that stuff (work, self maintenance, cat care, chores) makes the days and weeks disappear.
I suppose that's the eternal battle once you realize you need to work on your expansion of time so you don't feel like life is just vanishing before your eyes.
So to expand time, this morning, I'm sitting on the floor of my living room, back against the couch, right leg tucked up under me. Coffee is at hand. Matt's on the couch near me, playing (or trying to) with Silver with her little feather wand.
The light coming in through the library window feels different. I noticed this last August 1st, too. The slant is different, perhaps. Or maybe it's me, my perception of time, knowing that autumn is (technically, by the calendar) just around the corner. I've already noted the shift in night falling, the darkness creeping in just a bit earlier each night.
August has always been a bittersweet month. For years, the closing of summer and the gearing up for school in the fall. When you're on that kind of schedule for so many years of your life, the feeling becomes ingrained in you, even when that cycle comes to an end.
In spite of the shifting of light and darkness, however, the temperatures are reminding me that summer isn't letting go yet. The high today is 94°F/34°C and tomorrow it's 101°F/38°C. And I may need to force myself to sit outside (in the shade of course) or to get in the pool (toward the later end of the day) to take in the feel of it all because if we actually get a winter this year, I know I'll be missing the warmth and light.
I suppose that's the eternal battle once you realize you need to work on your expansion of time so you don't feel like life is just vanishing before your eyes.
So to expand time, this morning, I'm sitting on the floor of my living room, back against the couch, right leg tucked up under me. Coffee is at hand. Matt's on the couch near me, playing (or trying to) with Silver with her little feather wand.
The light coming in through the library window feels different. I noticed this last August 1st, too. The slant is different, perhaps. Or maybe it's me, my perception of time, knowing that autumn is (technically, by the calendar) just around the corner. I've already noted the shift in night falling, the darkness creeping in just a bit earlier each night.
August has always been a bittersweet month. For years, the closing of summer and the gearing up for school in the fall. When you're on that kind of schedule for so many years of your life, the feeling becomes ingrained in you, even when that cycle comes to an end.
In spite of the shifting of light and darkness, however, the temperatures are reminding me that summer isn't letting go yet. The high today is 94°F/34°C and tomorrow it's 101°F/38°C. And I may need to force myself to sit outside (in the shade of course) or to get in the pool (toward the later end of the day) to take in the feel of it all because if we actually get a winter this year, I know I'll be missing the warmth and light.
The Friday Five for July 31st
Aug. 1st, 2026 08:32 amFrom![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thefridayfive
Well, these were some thinky questions. The three answers for each are just the first things that came to mind, not necessarily my true top answers. I wrote most of these yesterday but then didn't get back to a computer for fine tuning until just now.
1. Who are your three favorite book characters?
Ghost from Poppy Z. Brite's Lost Souls and various short stories. Ghost is soft and sweet, sarcastic and steadfast, with the gift of the sight.
Phouka from Emma Bull's War for the Oaks, which I have been meaning to re-read since it's been...well, it feels like 20 years. I'm not sure if that's accurate. Phouka is, as the name suggests, a trickster faery who, in this novel, resembles Prince. I remember enjoying a lot of his lines and overall characterization. I remember him coming off as a bit of a jerk but a heart warming jerk.
Granny Weatherwax. I haven't read a lot of Terry Pratchett (and I need to read more, particularly featuring the witches), but she's definitely cemented as a favorite. In part because I want to be like her in having that unshakeable belief in my own abilities and being able to terrify people when needed.
2. What are your three favorite things to wear?
Sleeveless tops, leggings, skirts. In some variation. This is practically my uniform, anymore. Though I am slowly introducing some t-shirts back into my wardrobe (especially after my earlier summer experience with some photosensitivity issues after using lactic acid).
3. What are your three pet peeves?
I definitely have way more than three, but off the top of my head:
Tailgaters (not the party in the parking lot people, but the ones who ride your bumper because they either didn't leave early enough or they have absolutely no spatial awareness).
People who stop in the middle of the grocery store aisle to talk on their phone or chat with someone they ran into. (Move over.)
People who leave items in places where they don't belong, especially in a grocery store (why did you put a pack of ground beef on the shelf with the bread, you heathen?)
...I have a lot of grocery store pet peeves, apparently.
4. What are your three favorite TV shows?
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Eureka
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
5. What are three things you wish you could do?
Draw what I picture in my head.
Teleport, so I can reach places with ease and not have to fly or drive. (I love driving road trips, but if I need to be somewhere, being able to close my eyes, tap my heels and get myself there would be so great.)
Make my gluteal tendinopathy vanish with a few solid workouts... (Tendons love load, but my god do you have to baby them so you don't do too much too fast).
thefridayfive Well, these were some thinky questions. The three answers for each are just the first things that came to mind, not necessarily my true top answers. I wrote most of these yesterday but then didn't get back to a computer for fine tuning until just now.
1. Who are your three favorite book characters?
Ghost from Poppy Z. Brite's Lost Souls and various short stories. Ghost is soft and sweet, sarcastic and steadfast, with the gift of the sight.
Phouka from Emma Bull's War for the Oaks, which I have been meaning to re-read since it's been...well, it feels like 20 years. I'm not sure if that's accurate. Phouka is, as the name suggests, a trickster faery who, in this novel, resembles Prince. I remember enjoying a lot of his lines and overall characterization. I remember him coming off as a bit of a jerk but a heart warming jerk.
Granny Weatherwax. I haven't read a lot of Terry Pratchett (and I need to read more, particularly featuring the witches), but she's definitely cemented as a favorite. In part because I want to be like her in having that unshakeable belief in my own abilities and being able to terrify people when needed.
A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest... because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.
2. What are your three favorite things to wear?
Sleeveless tops, leggings, skirts. In some variation. This is practically my uniform, anymore. Though I am slowly introducing some t-shirts back into my wardrobe (especially after my earlier summer experience with some photosensitivity issues after using lactic acid).
3. What are your three pet peeves?
I definitely have way more than three, but off the top of my head:
Tailgaters (not the party in the parking lot people, but the ones who ride your bumper because they either didn't leave early enough or they have absolutely no spatial awareness).
People who stop in the middle of the grocery store aisle to talk on their phone or chat with someone they ran into. (Move over.)
People who leave items in places where they don't belong, especially in a grocery store (why did you put a pack of ground beef on the shelf with the bread, you heathen?)
...I have a lot of grocery store pet peeves, apparently.
4. What are your three favorite TV shows?
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Eureka
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
5. What are three things you wish you could do?
Draw what I picture in my head.
Teleport, so I can reach places with ease and not have to fly or drive. (I love driving road trips, but if I need to be somewhere, being able to close my eyes, tap my heels and get myself there would be so great.)
Make my gluteal tendinopathy vanish with a few solid workouts... (Tendons love load, but my god do you have to baby them so you don't do too much too fast).
Bringing the Past Over
Jul. 28th, 2026 09:17 amSince I just realized I don't have an import of my personal Livejournal (rather this journal started as an import of my fanfic Livejournal), I'm going to import that today.
So if something really weird happens...this post stands as a notice.
Well, then...
Jul. 27th, 2026 07:34 pmI was just on Reddit, on my desktop PC, looking up some info when I got the "Join the most real place on the internet" lightbox that doesn't allow you to continue browsing without making an account/logging in.
I knew they were doing this with mobile. I didn't expect it so soon on the desktop version of the site. Old Reddit still works for the moment. But what an absolute clusterfuck.
Google's become an AI answer machine that farms content largely from Reddit, so instead of Googling things, I've just been lazily going to that particular source and now the Reddit PTB would like to completely wall that off from anyone without an account (which I don't have because I deleted it after getting completely screwed by their automoderation system with no sense of an appeal forthcoming).
We need the 90s/early 00s internet back.
Six Sentence Sunday
Jul. 26th, 2026 05:09 pmSix Sentence Sunday: Post six sentences from whatever you're working on, if you're game! Folks who don't want to make their own posts are very welcome to share their snippets here.
From one of my Summer of Clones fics (that I haven't touched in two weeks - I need to get on it).
From one of my Summer of Clones fics (that I haven't touched in two weeks - I need to get on it).
She’s waiting for him when he arrives, dressed down in a sleeveless tunic, loose linen pants and boots; her dark hair is drawn into a single long braid. She has a full satchel thrown over her shoulder. Echo doesn’t see her lightsaber, but he knows she’ll have it somewhere within easy reach.
He stops just long enough for her to jump on the speeder. She’s warm and soft against his back and when her arms wrap around his waist, one palm flattening against the bottom of his ribs, just under his heartbeat, he feels his stomach flutter the way it always does when she touches him. Part disbelief, part anticipation.
Rememberances
Jul. 26th, 2026 11:52 am20 years ago this past week, on July 21st, my uncle Steve called my mom to tell her that Richard had died.
Richard was the youngest of my dad's siblings. And he left this world just like his father had 23 years earlier: a massive heart attack. My grandfather's was in the front seat of his car at the parking lot of a McDonald's (and that reads a lot like a darkly comedic Southern Gothic novel); Richard's was in the sleeper cab of his truck at a truck stop. The engine of his truck was still running, which is what ultimately alerted the kid who called the highway patrol.
It took days to get his body back to Chattanooga. We buried him on the 27th.
I wrote about this 20 years ago and I'm not going to rehash it here.
I've mostly been mulling over the time.
I'm the same age Richard was when he died. I turned 43 in April. He would have turned 44 that October.
I keep hearing the Green Day line "twenty years has gone so fast" echoing in my head. I heard that song when it came out and though I appreciated it, it definitely doesn't hit you when you're 21 and in college and thinking of what you'll be doing with yourself in the days and months after graduation the way it does when you're 43 and looking back on the expanse between then and now. The good and the bad, the easy and the hard. And how it's all managed to fit into such a shortnotshort amount of time.
A year later felt like a decade.
20 years later feels like a moment.
The Friday Five for July 24th
Jul. 24th, 2026 11:18 am1. What is your cellphone wallpaper?
Two pieces of Bad Batch fan art by Uzuri. The lock screen is Tech, the wallpaper is Echo.
2. Are you sunrise, daylight, twilight, or nighttime? Why?
All of the above? As a teenager, I was definitely a night owl. But as I've gotten older - and especially now as I slide into middle age - I really appreciate all the times of day. They each have their charm.
There's a hush in the early morning, around sunrise, that can't be replicated any other time of day. I particularly love getting up at zero fuck o'clock to get started on a road trip and watching the sky lighten as I drive.
Despite the current heat wave and my skin being more sensitive to sun and heat these days, I still love a good sunbeam. Especially one coming through a window where I can curl up in a cozy spot and bask. And there's a lot to be said for a bright summer day lounging by a pool.
Twilight, dusk, has its own beauty that changes with the seasons. Spring is soft and temperate, summer dusk brings a rush of nostalgia, autumn feels strangely full of possibility and winter twilight inspires the need for hot drinks and blankets, good books or games.
And night is always mystical. I'd like to do more nighttime exploration but I have to put my energy on one side of the day or another and right now, morning is winning.
3. What season would you be?
Spring, I think, currently.
Where I live, it's a moody season. You can go from blizzards to the epitome of a perfect spring day to a mid-summer heat wave all in the span of a week. It feels fitting.
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Initially, a veterinarian. Then I got interested in reading and writing and writing became my focus. And that's kind of where I ended up.
I'd pictured writing fiction for a living, but once I actually got to the point of trying...I realized how much I hated turning something I really enjoyed into a grind for money. So now I write technical/educational content in the form of eLearning courses (with jaunts over the years into things like handbooks, facilitation and participation guides, etc.).
5. Have you ever been told you look like someone famous? Who was it?
Quite often.
The one I've gotten a handful of times is Kate Beckinsale (sometimes specified as "Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing"). I've also gotten Neve Campbell, Liv Tyler, and Catherine Zeta Jones, a few times.
Then there were two outliers: Scarlett Johansson and Gina Lollobrigida.
I mean...I'll take all of those.
Two pieces of Bad Batch fan art by Uzuri. The lock screen is Tech, the wallpaper is Echo.
2. Are you sunrise, daylight, twilight, or nighttime? Why?
All of the above? As a teenager, I was definitely a night owl. But as I've gotten older - and especially now as I slide into middle age - I really appreciate all the times of day. They each have their charm.
There's a hush in the early morning, around sunrise, that can't be replicated any other time of day. I particularly love getting up at zero fuck o'clock to get started on a road trip and watching the sky lighten as I drive.
Despite the current heat wave and my skin being more sensitive to sun and heat these days, I still love a good sunbeam. Especially one coming through a window where I can curl up in a cozy spot and bask. And there's a lot to be said for a bright summer day lounging by a pool.
Twilight, dusk, has its own beauty that changes with the seasons. Spring is soft and temperate, summer dusk brings a rush of nostalgia, autumn feels strangely full of possibility and winter twilight inspires the need for hot drinks and blankets, good books or games.
And night is always mystical. I'd like to do more nighttime exploration but I have to put my energy on one side of the day or another and right now, morning is winning.
3. What season would you be?
Spring, I think, currently.
Where I live, it's a moody season. You can go from blizzards to the epitome of a perfect spring day to a mid-summer heat wave all in the span of a week. It feels fitting.
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Initially, a veterinarian. Then I got interested in reading and writing and writing became my focus. And that's kind of where I ended up.
I'd pictured writing fiction for a living, but once I actually got to the point of trying...I realized how much I hated turning something I really enjoyed into a grind for money. So now I write technical/educational content in the form of eLearning courses (with jaunts over the years into things like handbooks, facilitation and participation guides, etc.).
5. Have you ever been told you look like someone famous? Who was it?
Quite often.
The one I've gotten a handful of times is Kate Beckinsale (sometimes specified as "Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing"). I've also gotten Neve Campbell, Liv Tyler, and Catherine Zeta Jones, a few times.
Then there were two outliers: Scarlett Johansson and Gina Lollobrigida.
I mean...I'll take all of those.
July Media Post
Jul. 23rd, 2026 02:06 pmReading
I think I've been doing a bit more collecting than reading over the last month.
What I have been reading is sips of poetry... Though I did actually read through the entirety of Kate Baer's What Kind of Woman. (And I just realized I hadn't been mentally counting books of poetry toward my book reading goal for the year. So I just addressed that in Goodreads. I'm now at 7 books read. Which, while still feeling paltry compared to the me of my late teens and early 20s, is so much better than me just a few years ago.)
Various Star Wars novels are still in my queue.
And I also picked up The Other Side of the Night: The Carpathia, the Californian, and the Night the Titanic Was Lost by Daniel Allen Butler. (I've had Oceanliner Designs playing in the background on YouTube and the algorithm started sending me down the Titanic rabbit hole and...well...here we are.)
Watching
Speaking of the Titanic rabbit hole, last night I noticed that A Night to Remember (1958) was on Tubi. I'd never seen it before. (I thought I had, for a hot minute, but realized what I'd actually seen was the depiction of Titanic sinking in the 1964 musical film The Unsinkable Molly Brown, which was forced on my class by my sixth grade music teacher.) I do think, if you've seen one Titanic movie, you've seen them all (obviously, the end result is the same), but getting a more detailed look at the crew's actions and the Carpathia's rescue efforts was illuminating.
Other than that, I haven't been watching many shows or movies lately, just a lot of streams or YouTube vids from various Minecrafters.
Listening
I made a Moody Summer playlist for a recent pool party and that's been on repeat on and off for the last two weeks. It features gems like The Church's "Under the Milky Way"; Love and Rockets' "So Alive"; The Mission's "Lay Your Hands on Me"; Joy Division's "Heart and Soul" and more Goth and New Wave sounds reminiscent of summer.
Playing
R.E.P.O has been at the front of my playlist the last week or so.
I finally got Matt to play it with me. He'd been resistant for a long time, saying the game was stressful (meanwhile he'll play Deeprock on Hazard Level 4 while chatting with people). Ultimately, I think he was expecting me to get annoyed with him dying...but...like half the fun and humor of the game is watching your teammates get yeeted into pits or snatched by weird monsters. Either way, he got over it and we've enjoyed several hours long gaming sessions, occasionally joined by another friend.
The only real hiccup was when we tried to play the other night he kept having a ridiculously high ping. So we either hit the servers at a time when everyone else was also playing or something was up with them.
I've played R.E.P.O. solo and it just doesn't hit the same. Solo, it's definitely more of a horror game and you're far more tense because if you die, that's your run ended.
I think I've been doing a bit more collecting than reading over the last month.
What I have been reading is sips of poetry... Though I did actually read through the entirety of Kate Baer's What Kind of Woman. (And I just realized I hadn't been mentally counting books of poetry toward my book reading goal for the year. So I just addressed that in Goodreads. I'm now at 7 books read. Which, while still feeling paltry compared to the me of my late teens and early 20s, is so much better than me just a few years ago.)
Various Star Wars novels are still in my queue.
And I also picked up The Other Side of the Night: The Carpathia, the Californian, and the Night the Titanic Was Lost by Daniel Allen Butler. (I've had Oceanliner Designs playing in the background on YouTube and the algorithm started sending me down the Titanic rabbit hole and...well...here we are.)
Watching
Speaking of the Titanic rabbit hole, last night I noticed that A Night to Remember (1958) was on Tubi. I'd never seen it before. (I thought I had, for a hot minute, but realized what I'd actually seen was the depiction of Titanic sinking in the 1964 musical film The Unsinkable Molly Brown, which was forced on my class by my sixth grade music teacher.) I do think, if you've seen one Titanic movie, you've seen them all (obviously, the end result is the same), but getting a more detailed look at the crew's actions and the Carpathia's rescue efforts was illuminating.
Other than that, I haven't been watching many shows or movies lately, just a lot of streams or YouTube vids from various Minecrafters.
Listening
I made a Moody Summer playlist for a recent pool party and that's been on repeat on and off for the last two weeks. It features gems like The Church's "Under the Milky Way"; Love and Rockets' "So Alive"; The Mission's "Lay Your Hands on Me"; Joy Division's "Heart and Soul" and more Goth and New Wave sounds reminiscent of summer.
Playing
R.E.P.O has been at the front of my playlist the last week or so.
I finally got Matt to play it with me. He'd been resistant for a long time, saying the game was stressful (meanwhile he'll play Deeprock on Hazard Level 4 while chatting with people). Ultimately, I think he was expecting me to get annoyed with him dying...but...like half the fun and humor of the game is watching your teammates get yeeted into pits or snatched by weird monsters. Either way, he got over it and we've enjoyed several hours long gaming sessions, occasionally joined by another friend.
The only real hiccup was when we tried to play the other night he kept having a ridiculously high ping. So we either hit the servers at a time when everyone else was also playing or something was up with them.
I've played R.E.P.O. solo and it just doesn't hit the same. Solo, it's definitely more of a horror game and you're far more tense because if you die, that's your run ended.
